Ageism in the Gay Community
As what I would consider a young man in the queer community (23), I have seen far too much ageism in the short period of time I have been out of the closet. It seems as though many of my peers in the LGBTQ+ community place so much stock in youth and pay no mind to our aging population.
What I don’t know if everyone understands is that we ALL will age, wrinkle, sag and stretch. One of many people’s biggest fears, in and out of our community, is growing old. Personally, I do not agree with that level of thinking. Old age means so much more than our physical bodies growing old. It means our minds growing, the lessons we learn continuing to shape our thinking, and our wisdom of the world and those around us deepening. Our movements’ forefathers and those who went before them brought about most of the rights we currently have today. Because of its importance, I will say it again for the people in the back. OUR MOVEMENTS FOREFATHERS AND THOSE WHO WENT BEFORE THEM BROUGHT FORWARD THE RIGHTS WE CURRENTLY HAVE TODAY. I can get married because of older queer folks. I have some baseline protections against discrimination because of older queer folks. For the most part, I can eat, shop, and live openly without fear of getting beat up by law enforcement or people who do not accept my lifestyle. Again, thank you older LGBTQ+ peoples. By no means am I saying we do not have things to work for and towards. We have plenty of work to do. I think everyone can agree on that. We need more protections, especially in the workplace. We still need to thrive for more inclusive policies, specifically for our trans brothers and sisters. But I would venture to say we have it much better than all who went before us. Many of our struggles, though comparable to the complex social problems older queer folks challenged, are better because of them. After all, we are all part of the same community.
My great-grandmother was extremely influential in my upbringing in rural Wisconsin. My parents, though they did the best with what they had, had my brother and I in high school. My Grandma Dorothy recognized that we needed stability in our young lives and stepped in. Living on a farm with my then 80-year-old grandmother, the most important thing she taught me was respect for all people regardless of backgrounds or things I did not understand. The primary thing she taught me without necessarily saying it was respect for my elders. I learned most of what I know from people that were 70 years my senior. The life lessons I gained from her stories of the Great Depression, World War Two, segregation, the AIDS epidemic, and so many others have defined the way I live my life and treat others. When I see disrespect of older queer people, it saddens me to my core. It can be easy to be narrow thinking as a young person who has only experienced a small amount of life, but I do not think that’s an adequate excuse and I encourage my peers to look at our history and all they have contributed. I have seen ageism in LGBTQ+ clubs and bars and on different platforms like Tinder and Grindr. “Don’t talk to me if you are my father’s age”, “People over 40 are gross”, and “Don’t bother if you have grey hair, I won’t reply” to name a few. I do understand only being intimately interested in people around one’s age, but to automatically discount engaging with anyone over a certain age in conversation is not only disrespectful but ageist. I see the same thing out in public at LGBTQ+ specific events in larger cities. My hope is that this experience in San Francisco proves differently as we have so much to learn from these older heroes who have paved the way for so many rights we have today.
