The Forgotten Feminine Queer/ The Presence and Toll of Biphobia/ The Invalidation of Queer Identities in the Queer Community
Some argue that there is pressure in the queer community to make yourself appear “gay” so that other queer people might recognize you as part of the community. Of course, this pressure oftentimes occurs at the beginning of one’s queer identity journey, similar to conformity in middle and secondary school. This conformity tells us that we must “look gay enough” for other queer individuals to notice us. And if we don't, we could be overlooked as heterosexual or cisgender. It is not experienced by everyone, but it is experienced by many in the queer community. One of the most common groups that experience this is the queer cisgender woman.
Oftentimes, female-identifying people have their queerness disregarded because of their femininity. For example, this pertains to the length of their hair; if it is not short, they can frequently be subjected to being overlooked and disregarded as part of the queer community, therefore their queerness is often invalidated.
Many times, queer feminine-presenting women also known as “fems” as opposed to their “butch” counterparts, are pressured to cut their hair so that they appear to be in the queer community. And oftentimes, they do not gain social recognition until they do. As with my experience as a feminine presenting person, I was often overlooked by other queer individuals and nonqueer individuals because I had long hair. My queerness was often questioned because I “didn’t look gay enough.” I felt pressure to present myself in a more queer fashion., but I also experienced this urge because of my gender identity which is unrelated to this current topic.
After I cut my hair, I noticed how differently I was treated by queer folks around me. I became recognized as a queer individual, I finally felt like I was accepted into the community. And although this experience was positive and I finally felt validated in my gender identity, the reality of feminine presenting women as not being recognized as queer is a serious problem in the queer community. The queerness of an individual should not be invalidated by the way one represents themselves through their personal style.
This relates to the invalidation of bisexual individuals who partner with someone of the opposite sex. Oftentimes people who identify as bisexual are invalidated when this occurs, and they often become unrecognized by others in the queer community. Bisexuality carries a stigma in the queer community, often being seen as a phase or an excuse to be included in the community when this is not the case.
Oftentimes these stigmas have led bisexual people to stay in the closet or feel shame for choosing a partner of the opposite sex. This is a problematic reality in need of reformation and change. More examples of invalidated queer identities include asexual and aromantic identities which are often discounted and invalidated in the queer community. Not only do queer individuals have their sexual identities invalidated by how they present themselves and who they date, but gender identities also have frequently experienced invalidation.
This includes gender identities under the transgender umbrella and non-binary spectrums. Often, individuals who identify as trans women or trans men are subjected to the harsh beauty and societal standards placed on the binary of men and women. Oftentimes, if the individual does not meet these standards, they are discounted as a “true” woman/man. I often see in transgender media, that only transgender women/men who pass extremely well are represented, which is highly problematic for the millions of trans folks who don’t pass as cisgender, or who can’t afford to pass as cisgender.
The invalidation of queer identities is a cause of concern and needs to be addressed within the community and individually. The queer community is where queer identities should be welcomed, accepted, and celebrated. It is here that we can find others like us and celebrate our uniqueness as queer individuals.