Growing Up
Growing up, I remembered I LOVED to play tetherball and 4 square during recesses. I wasn’t very good, but I remember alternating between the two lines until it was finally time to go back inside. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, but I do remember being called “he-she species”. At the time I didn’t understand the nickname, or even knew why I was given it. Was I both a boy and a girl because of my short hair? Or the way I dressed? Or maybe my 5th grade classmates just had a really good gay-dar and knew I was queer even before I did.
In High School I remained closeted due to the homophobia I witnessed all around me, both at school and at home. Each week it was a different thing, from the GSA not being able to perform drag at a talent show to someone burning a pride flag on the sidewalk. I watched the backlash as my sister was outed by our religious choir teacher and principle because she was rooming with her girlfriend on a school trip.
Fast forward to my first year in college. I never really came out to the people around me, I just started living my best queer life and people started connecting the dots. I told my mom I was living on the Rainbow Floor and joining PRIDE because I was just a “very good ally”. I honestly don’t think I ever came out to my best friend of seven years; it just became a known thing. Anyways, one weekend, I was walking through the mall with my friends when I accidentally bumped into someone. I did the classic Midwest Nice thing and quickly and profusely apologized. However, I was shocked when they replied with “fag”. This person knew nothing about me but somehow knew how to hurt me.
Now that I am in a queer relationship, I am always on high alert. I am always observing the people around me, keeping an eye out for the “Let’s go Branden” hats or the people who stare a little too long. In my experience, most people at UWEC are supportive and safe but I am constantly scared we will run into the few people who are not.
A few days ago, Sam and I were standing out front of the Iconic Cliff’s Variety Store when a random person came up and started talking to us. It was a fun but strange interaction filled with some slightly unhinged compliments with no real direction to the conversation. Towards the end he mentioned something about trans people today in the country that immediately started stressing us out. However, as he kept elaborating about the topic, and we figured out that he was talking about other people’s attitudes towards transgender people in this country. It’s interesting being in a place where random people on the street share similar viewpoints as me and who just casually bring it up to strangers. I don’t think this kind of interaction would ever happen in Wisconsin, like I said before, you just never really know how someone in the grocery store, or a gas station really feels. But here, it’s pretty safe to assume that people will be accepting.
In San Francisco, I don’t live with the fear of people not accepting me. Maybe it’s because I don’t know anyone in San Fran who could really judge me, or maybe it’s because wherever I look there is a constant reminder (in the form of rainbow flags) that I belong, and I am celebrated.
