When Everything Hits at Once
“If you find yourself feeling unparalleled happiness and unexpected sadness at the same time, don’t worry… Don’t try to sidestep it. Embrace it.” – Cheryl Barker
I’ve been in my feels a lot during this trip. Which, to be honest, is one of the most significant and glaring facts about this trip: you will feel things. In fact, you will feel many things. If you look at a feelings wheel (my fellow therapy folx know what I’m talking about), the wide range that exists on that wheel encompasses the majority of what people feel while doing this immersion. I have been moved to tears, both from laughter and from sorrow. I have had a sore face from smiling (and from getting sunburnt). I have felt rage and disgust boil up inside me from acknowledging the atrocities that people are facing in our country at this point in time. The best way to prepare for this trip is to know that emotions are inevitable.
The variety of films that I’ve seen here has been wonderful. There have been so many that I loved, and thankfully very few that I didn’t (you can’t win ‘em all). I would be ecstatic to bring all of the films I loved, but there is only so much space in our Q-Fest program, and at that point it would just be Max-Fest. I’m a big fan of documentaries, and there have been so many amazing documentaries (both full-length and short) that have left a strong impact on me. I would give them all a great big hug and a forehead kiss if that were possible. Also, especially since I’m a social work major, I am incredibly passionate about advocacy, and the majority of documentaries that I saw shared the same passion in their presentation. I love that so much.
Something else that you need to know in order to prepare for this trip is that things in San Francisco are significantly more expensive than they are in Wisconsin. If you are someone like me who has a hard time resisting little trinkets and has the love language of gift-giving, then just know that you should start saving as much money as you possibly can. There are always people who I like to get gifts for when I’m on a trip, so I make it a point to accomplish that before I have to return home (and I’m pleased to say that I am happy about the ones that I got for people). That’s another thing about San Francisco; you will have a hard time NOT finding something that someone in your life would enjoy. This city is so broadly diverse and has a lot to offer.
Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite segment… Max gets super sappy about their time and experiences during the San Francisco Immersion! Hooray! Yippee! I know you were all waiting for this moment to arrive, and I am happy to say that we’re finally here. Okay, I’ll stop with the theatrics, but I am genuinely about to get a bit emotional and real with y’all. This immersion has been one of the best things to happen to me in my entire life. There is so much value in every single moment, and while I couldn’t possibly have enough words to describe the depth in which I have been impacted and changed, I will do my best to convey it.
There are so many people, places, and things that have allowed me to get to know myself better and better. I have grown in myself not only as a person, but as a queer person. I have conversed with many people from different walks of life, and I have also seen different walks of life represented in the films that I saw. Each and every time I had these experiences, I could feel my empathy and understanding deepen further and further. I was able to put myself into the shoes of people who have significant differences from myself and my life, and each time I was able to add a little piece of them to myself.
I am so grateful for the fact that I am able to be completely and unapologetically myself while in San Francisco. I don’t have to worry about if I’m being too loud, too strange, or not queer enough. In this city, I am just simply Max. And that’s enough for myself and everyone else. It doesn’t matter if you fit in with the crowd; if anything, you’re actually encouraged to stand out and get out of your comfort zone. I’m so glad that this trip has pushed me to experience as much as I can, because it has changed me for the better. Everything hit at once tonight while acknowledging and sitting with the fact that it was our last night here. There were certainly tears shed, and I just sat and took it all in. It is unlikely that I’ll ever get to step foot back in that condo (or possibly even San Francisco), but it has a special place in my heart. I may have to leave the condo, but the memories from the condo will never leave me.
