Same, Same, But Different

“Whenever you speak to someone, you are presuming the two of you have a certain degree of familiarity–which your words might alter. So every sentence has to do two things at once: convey a message and continue to negotiate that relationship.” – Steven Pinker 

As of writing this, we have already spent an entire week in San Francisco. I’m not sure if it’s because of how this trip is going or that it’s my second trip to San Francisco, but it feels like it is going much quicker than last year’s trip. To be fair, there were a lot of things happening last year for me (first time flying, first time being on the West Coast, first time being away from home for so long, etc.) which may have contributed to everything seeming slower. It could also be the fact that I’m nearing the end of my time at UWEC and the very busy days that make it feel faster. It could really be anything, but I’m not sure if I can exactly pin down the time culprit. 

I have been thoroughly enjoying my time of being back in San Francisco. I’ve kept true to my challenge for myself, which was to try new places to eat or explore. The new places I’ve gone to have been so fun and interesting for the most part, which is a win. There have been very few and far between negative experiences, and an overwhelming number of positive ones. I have also gone to the same places that I went to last year, because they’re still amazing. There are some places that I went to last year that I have yet to return to, but hopefully I will get the chance to go again (but as I said, time has been flying by). 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, but it almost feels like I never really left San Francisco. Perhaps it’s just my brain switching gears and having some sense of familiarity with my surroundings, but it really feels like an unreachable home. I would love to live in San Francisco, but there are many barriers (the main one being the cost of living). It’s so incredibly welcoming and vibrant everywhere you go, and I really enjoy that. Of course, my view is somewhat skewed because of the fact that I’ve only ever been in San Francisco during pride month, but the first impression is often the most memorable. And San Francisco has certainly had an impactful first (and second) impression on me and my life. 

I find it easier to traverse the never-ending hills and slopes the second time around. Last year they really took me out, but this year it has taken longer for them to have a significant effect on my body. I’m not sure if it’s because I know what to expect now or if I just transitioned into San Francisco endurance mode, but I’m definitely not mad about it. I have also been hitting my steps goal with my Fitbit significantly easier with all the walking from place to place. It’s been nice to be outside for sporadic periods of time, and the weather has been nice to us for the most part. I said this last year, and I’m going to repeat it again here, but the sun is absolutely unrelenting and quite possibly sunscreen-proof. I’m pretty sure that almost everyone in our cohort has gotten some level of sunburnt. 

Now that I have sufficiently complained, I’ll take a break and actually get a little sentimental at the end here. I love being here in a city that I love, with people that I love, and with films that I love. There’s so much love that I feel and express when I am in this place, and it does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. I also have so much love for all of the animals we see around, the wide variety of food, and the silly stores with even sillier trinkets. Of course I miss my loved ones, my bed, and my cat back in Wisconsin, but I know I will also miss San Francisco and everything this trip holds once I return. 

As someone who often feels like I need to hide myself or tone down who or how I am, being in this place makes me forget that instinct a little. I still find myself not quite feeling like I fit in anywhere or that I really have a grip on this whole “life” thing, but in the quiet moments, in the moments of laughter, and in the breeze, I feel a small wave of calm and assurance. I am good enough just as I am, and nobody can take that away from me. Nobody. No. Body.