You Are Trans Enough
Since I was little, I have always known I wasn’t a girl. I knew I wasn’t exactly a boy either. I always felt different as a kid, like something was wrong with me. I didn’t want to just wear dresses and put on make-up. I wanted to run around shirtless in the summers, play sports, get messy and not feel ashamed; but I couldn’t, because I was a “girl”.
I was 13 when I first started to learn what being transgender meant. At that time, I only knew of it in a binary way, either being a transman or a transwoman. I have always felt some kind of connection to the trans community, a great passion and a strong sense of advocacy for trans individuals.
I can think back to the town I grew up in and the amount of hatred and malice towards queer people, trans people specifically. I remember the anger I felt, but I still thought I was a girl, just different because I was bisexual. I continued to have that burning passion for the trans community and would go out of my way to combat transphobia in middle/high school, and even amongst my family.
As I learned more about queer identities and learning what it means to be non-binary, I finally felt heard. It was that “Yes! This is me! This is the answer I have been searching for all these years!”. Being able to explore with different pronouns, clothing styles, hair styles, and even being able to own a binder has been incredibly important to me and my queer journey. I remember at 17 coming to terms with being non-binary and coming out to my mom and step-dad. For once, I was able to use my voice to tell people and be heard for who I am.
Moving on my journey of gender and meeting other trans-folk, I feel that there is a debate about where non-binary people fit in the scene of it all. I have been told that as an AFAB femme presenting non-binary person, that I am not trans enough; that my trans-ness isn’t a true part of my identity.
When hearing this it kind of put me in this mindset that I can’t identify with a community I have felt so connected to, and it truly broke my heart. In a way, it put me back in the closet for quite some time, until today.
Today, June 28, 2024, I had such the honorable privilege to march with my fellow trans/gender non-conforming folk in the Trans March in San Francisco. I felt euphoric being able to express myself and feel safe in this portion of the community. Going through this march, there was unending validation and representation of non-binary people of all kinds. I was actually in awe as to how much support there was today for non-binary and gender non-conforming folk. To be totally honest, I don’t know what I was expecting to experience at the trans march besides getting to be around other trans folk. I didn’t realize that they would be so supportive of other communities in the trans community. It was truly an affirming and reassuring experience to be able to experience - to know that I am valid and understood in my trans identity.
Being on this immersion has been such a grand and eye-opening experience about my queerness. I have been able to learn that I am trans enough, that only I get to decide my trans experience. Being able to share this trip with other trans non-binary people has made me feel so connected and understood in a way that I have never felt before. I am finally feeling trans enough in my identity because of this trip. I have learned that I am allowed to look however I want, I can be whoever I want, I can express myself however I want, and I will always, and forever, be trans non-binary.
