California Bears (and the lack thereof)
As you may already know, the state flag for California depicts a grizzly bear walking toward a red star. However, as stated by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, the California grizzly went extinct in the 1920’s, and the only species of bear currently found in California is the black bear. Which begs the question, why does the California flag still have a grizzly bear on it?
Before you get the impression that this will be a purely educational piece, I just want to be completely transparent and say that I was originally planning on writing this blog about the lack of gay bears in San Francisco. As defined by Chloe O. Davis in “The Queens’ English” (Link below), a bear is defined as “a gay, bisexual, or queer man who has a large or stocky body with visible body hair, resembling a bear.” With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about flags!
Prior to 1846, the land currently known as California was occupied by over 8,000 Mexicans, with American settlers only representing a very small percentage of the total population. However, on June 14th, 1846, a group of colonizers seized Sonoma, a major settlement north of San Francisco, and renamed the land to the “Republic of California.” This insurrection is known as the “Bear Flag Revolt” based on the colonizers” flag, the very same flag still used to represent California to this day. The bear on the flag is said to represent “strength and unyielding resistance…” Sadly for the colonizers, their “revolution” was cut short when John D. Sloat occupied San Francisco and Sonoma on July 9th, 1846, and made California a part of the united states.
That’s enough educational crap, let’s talk about the REAL victim here: me! Because I didn’t get to see any hot bears in San Francisco! San Francisco is supposed to be the gay capital of america and you’re telling me the only types of gay guys that live there are middle aged twinks? Also defined in “The Queens’ English”, a twink is “a body label for a gay, bisexual, or queer man who has a youthful appearance and a small body frame. He also has very little to no facial and body hair.” To any twinks reading this: I love you, I really do, but you’re just not my type.
Frankly, I find this lack of bears to be abhorrent and unjust! The city of San Francisco should have received prior notice of my visit and redistributed its population so that I may be surrounded by people I find attractive at all times! In addition to a lack of bears, I found the percentage of women strong enough to crush me like an aluminum can, evil nonbinary people, and scary monsters equally insufficient! That is why I am suing the state of California for discrimination and psychological distress! Dear reader, please give me money so that I can afford legal services and seek justice for this malicious transgression!*
* This paragraph is sarcasm, please do not give me money for legal services. If, for whatever reason, you do give me money, it is unlikely that this money will be used to purchase legal services.
Was this blog a nonsensical waste of time? Yes. But look on the bright side, you learned about the history of the California flag and got a new book recommendation! I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a wonderful way to waste my time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check my bear traps.
The Queen’s English:
The Queens' English by Chloe O. Davis: 9780593135006 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books
Sources:
California Outdoors Q&A | How many bear species live in California?
Bear Flag Revolt | California, Independence, Revolution | Britannica
