Definitely More Than A Trip

Hello dear reader,

It has been almost two months since my last update on all things Q fest. Things are starting to come together, and I feel like I’m doing something. Probably because I’m not just thinking about movies and am actually doing something. I think I feel out of my depth. I feel like I’m not queer enough to be doing this work. I’m not involved in any queer orgs (though I did do research on a queer org [shout out to NCUR]). I think it just feels weird to be trusted with this work.

Having said that, it is nice to be doing things that are academic (at least in my definition. There are a million ways to be academic and a million ways to use that big noggin of yours!). I think I feel more like myself when doing schoolwork because I’ve kind of centered my identity around that. I mean I am going into teaching.

Why am I sweating while writing this?

Speaking of teaching, I’ve been working at a preschool all summer and it’s kind of draining the life out of me so that makes doing Q Fest stuff hard. I don’t mean to pass judgements (wow. What a disclaimer.) but since the preschool is in Cadott, the families we work with are a bit more conservative than my Eau Claire bubble, or the cultural queer capital of San Francisco. It just seems like such whiplash when I’m trying to work with kids and explain basic gender equality while never even breaching the subject of queerness, (and as their trans teacher this is sometimes difficult) and then going to Q fest where queerness may be the common thread between all these people. A thread we want to share and are proud to share! Maybe I feel like a poser because I’m not really queer in every facet of my life.

I think I’ve always been afraid of my queerness. I’ve seen it as something that’s not really mine to claim. But it is. It’s mine. I belong. (This is me manifesting).