Will I Ever Visit San Francisco Without Needing A Tissue?

Currently sitting out on the patio at our lovely condo and enjoying the sounds of the birds and city life happening. I am beyond overjoyed to be back in this city, even though I have a minor sniffle right now. Planning on taking a bath or shower soon, I feel gross from having spent all day traveling and just being really congested. Can’t really hear out of my right ear and seriously hoping maintenance gets on fixing it. I wonder if experiencing too many different types of air is bad for me, superstitious as it sounds, I could be right! Upon further reflection, this could be due to my severe seasonal allergies, but who’s to say...

I’m waiting to help put away the groceries first though. One of the main reasons I offer to help a lot is because I feel a constant need to prove myself as worthy to others. I think a lot of my insecurities fuel behaviors that are beneficial to others, so maybe the fact that those actions were rooted in negative self talk isn’t the worst thing. It’s not like I announce it. “Hello everybody! May I please have your attention for the greatest spectacle of human decency and elementary level kindness” It would be quite silly. Imagining it makes me laugh, maybe I’ll wear a sparkly magician’s outfit while this goes on. “My next trick will involve doing a single household chore, and not complaining about it out loud” (The crowd goes wild). Sometimes this kind of scenario plays in my head while I’m doing household chores at home. I’ll start working on something time consuming or laborious, and imagine myself as a sort of queer Cinderella. Picking away at a thick layer of grime on my hands and knees as if I were cleaning up after two evil stepsisters. In reality, I am swiffering a barely dirty linoleum floor as a part of my entirely fair chore rotation I share with 3 lovely roommates. Sometimes I worry that I’m the evil stepsister! Those little daydreams and imagined anxieties fuel me in some odd way. Thinking of myself as a character or otherwise deluding myself is an incredibly helpful coping mechanism.

Speaking of coping mechanisms, I can’t forget to bring something to fidget with to my tattoo appointment tomorrow. I am super excited to be getting another San Francisco memory tattoo. Tomorrow morning I’ll be traveling down to the financial district to get a fine line tattoo of a disco ball. Wish me luck in navigating the Muni all by myself, I’m a little skittish just thinking about it now.